i've been self harming for over 4 years now for different reasons, but sometimes i have no reasons at all.. i just get random urges. About 6 months ago, i started going out with my boyfriend and he knew all about my cuts and told me whenever i get urges then i should ring him, but the thing is i get a voice in my head telling me not too, i've been through so much stuff like family things, eating disorders, bullying, which has led me to my urges, and when i do self harm my boyfriend moans at me for not telling him and ringing him.. and recently threatened that everytime i self harm, he'll self harm aswell so he knows what it feels like, or something like that.. and that makes me feel horrible because i cant help but self harm. i've told my counsler but she was determined to tell my mum which i didnt want to happen, so i convinced her not to and it made me feel like i couldnt trust her so i never told her about my self harming again, but my mum found out when we were on holiday cause i had scars all up my legs, but she was fine about it because she knew my reasons were decent and not just for attention - well obviously she didnt like it.. but at that time i wasnt self harming as much so there was no new cuts.

but anyway, the thing is, when i get urges they start off small.. so i can ignore them.. but they build up stronger the more i ignore them.. so therefore the cuts would be deeper when i actually done it depending on how long i ignored it and how strong the urges were.. and they'd be in much more dangerous and random places.. like at one point i didnt want my boyfriend to see so i dont it on my breasts. The thing is, if i ignore them soo much, the self harm urges turn into suicide urges.. and none of the other things like keeping my mind off it works because its the same as ignoring it.. and i really don't know what to do!

someone help please?