A while ago my Head of Year (who is new to the school - he started this year) invited me to his office , I have a problem with self-harm and I have for three years, and he told me that people have told him they have saw marks (which is hard to avoid because of Art lessons and having no PE lessons) and he asked me if I self-harmed. Of course, I denied. After that, he asked me into his office again, because even more people and a first aider, told him that they've seen the marks. After three years I've been getting fed up of bottling up all these emotions inside of me, so I decided to check online if he'd have to pass the information on or could keep it confidential. Apparently you can tell him if he doesn't think you're in danger. He asked again, and I nodded. I regret it majorly.
That was around 2 months ago and since then I've been having regular catch ups with him, and I've become very attatched. I know so much about him, maybe things I shouldn't know, things no other kids in my year or school knows. I know things such like his sister used to self-harm. I am getting attatched in a dangerous way, if you know what I mean. I feel..feelings for him.
I can't look at him without wanting to pounce on him and I just feel like... I know, I know, hormones and everything. But, still.
I've been getting the ridiculous 'emo' remarks and I've been getting worn out from the people talking to him about me, and he decided he wanted to walk and talk with me. I was in a terrible mood and I was being terribly rude to him. At one point I shouted "You only care about me because you're my head of year!" and he said "No, Sarah"
I want this to mean something, and that's stupid I know, because it's dangerous, illegal, wrong and so many other things. But I don't understand what he meant by that, and I can't stop pondering over it.
What do you think he meant?
& what do you think I can do to solve this? I've been trying to stay away from him but even hearing his voice makes my stomach twist and turn.
