hi.i couldnt think of what to do so thought id start here.3 years ago my dad died .didnt effect me much,however when i was 8 i had a situation i dont want to go in to and have never told anyone.but 1 month after my dad died i felt so depressed i guess you could call it but i gatherd it was normal after loosing someone.it continuid thought of suicide flowed through and kept coming and coming so i started self harming i rwally dont like talking about the way i think or feel but typing them seems easier.so i kept on going relised the cuts were getting deeper and deeper until the point i cudnt take it anylonger ,came to kill myself and i couldnt do it no matter how much i wanted to . so everything stoped cutting stoped feeling low stoped just felt numb dead if you like didnt care about anyone or anything turnd to smoking then to smoking drugs .eerything seemd fine normal ,but then a couple months down the line i kept feeling excited some days were say 4 hours sleep and i felt wide awake didnt neeed to go to sleep ,i spent money witch i cudnt exsactly aford to ,got piercings had a mad idea to cut my hair so i cut a chunck under nieth my hair,now the present day i wake up excited or some days so low i just wanna sleep ,however whats making me think is very recently i tund back to slef harm again im going down the same path as before only taking my life is becoming tempting and anxsoity witch ive not exspiercnd before.i was on a bus and everyone was staring at me also in school i halusinated things that could never happen like my teachers head floating of of her body.also i keep hearing my name or seeing peple wave at me and now its at the point were i am scared ,i notcid my hands shake and it feels like my hole famlys working together to try and get me to see someone or to get help or somthing or trying to get me out .im scared if a doctor found out what willl happen to me .so advice would be great please.bye bye x