In my head there's two voices. Two voices that express what they want, how they want it and when. They're the opposites.

I would just be sitting in class, listening to the teacher and suddenly... this may sound weird, amuse myself with cruel thoughts of people in the classroom dieing. I know and tell myself it's wrong but it's like i'm trying to get attention from myself. Thankfully, I've set boundarys, i know when i need to stop but recently i've been encouraging myself to break them when I don't want to...

I know my mind is sick but I just can't change it, it's like i do everything just to make myself feel i have attention.

I'd sometimes go to my room and sit in silence and try soo hard to block out my thoughts and to stop thinking but it just doesn't work. Whenever i'm alone or nothing's occupying me my thoughts wonder and I just can't stop myself.

 To me, i'm an attention-seeker trying to get attention from myself. Trying to be something I don't and do want to be...

It's just hard. I don't know if i'm mentally disturbed or if i have a problem but it just wont stop and I feel as though it's the last chance...