confuzzled59 / Dec 08 2009 7.51

Hey thats not really what I meant to say but my computer is a bit wierd atm. What I meant to say was:

I feel like I'm playing some wierd game. The less I eat, trhe more points I score. Eventually, if I get the high score, I will win. I will win happiness and confidence and I will be beautiful. If I eat, I lose. I go back to level one and have to start all over again. It makes me depressed to eat. I feel weak and stupid coz I gave in to myself. Feeling hungry is good. It makes me feel like I'm winning.

I can't tell anyone to ask for help, I don't want help. I wan to win and I can't if I'm forced to eat. I still eat. Just less. I have a hot-cross bun for breakfast, a mouthful or 2 of lettuce to satisfy my friends at lunch then dinner which is normally something like sausages and chips but mostly fresh veg coz thats the way my family are. I do a lot of exercise normally so that helps me feel better. Its not like I'm killing myself by not eating at all, just cutting down to lose a little bit of weight.

I'm sorry if this is really confusing but I was just wondering if anyone else felt a little bit like his, at all?

Anyone?

Love emz xx