Lexiedrops / Jan 19 2010 18.56

I'm starting to think there's nothing wrong with me... I feel all messed up. I'm either 6 st 11lbs or 6 st 12lbs and I feel fat. I eat and it's like all bleurgh but I'm finding it hard to resist food. I know I shouldn't resist it, but I know once I start eating I wont stop! I feel like I'm just wasting everyone's time which is why I'm avoiding going to the doctors because it doesn't feel that serious.

Saturday, I ate loads. (was sick a bit too) and Sunday I had nothing till tea which I threw most away and what I ate I brought up. Yesterday I went jogging and i had cereal because my friend said I had to have something for breakfast. Then for lunch I had a mint. For dinner i had egg friend rice with veggie bacon and i threw that up. Today I didn't have breakfast (I woke up late) and lunch I had a small bit of chocolate sandwich my boyfriend offered me. For dinner i had spaghetti with this sauce but it's being difficult to bring up! and I've had a 'fat free' Yoghurt. I feel like a pig...

 

MCRmy / Jan 19 2010 19.33

I definatly think you have a problem. Youve heardly ate anything =/ and if you have you've like sicke dit up... Your not fat AT ALL. *huggles*

I knwo the feeling or the not beign able to stop. It's like your not in control? And not eating/ beign sick brings the control back?

Maybe you could write a letter to your mum and leave it out so she sees it?

Your not alone. Write back.. MCRmy<3 

 

Lexiedrops / Jan 20 2010 6.56

Exactly. If I start eating, I keep eating so the making myself resist is letting me feel some control because otherwise I'm someone who doesn't want to let anyone down and sometimes - call me selfish - i feel I do little for myself and making myself sick and having control of what I eat gives me something I'm doing for myself, despite other people.

Unfortuantly, I think there is a part of me that doesn't want help. I don't want her to know because she'll make it harder for me to do it and I just want to lose more weight. I weigh myself frequently and I tend to wear as little as possible as it makes me feel slightly better and shows I'm lighter...

I just feel the doctor wont believe me or wont see that anything's wrong as I'm not underweight and I'm not losing weight that fast.

Lex x

 

MCRmy / Jan 20 2010 16.10

I totally understand =/ sometimes you have to put yourself first... I think that the doctor would definatly believe you, as like it would take a lot of strength to go... I guess its part of the disorder that doesnt want you to get better, that part is most big in me. Sometime I question if I even have a problem... But anyway, could you try and at least eat a meal or two a day? As a start, as a way to test the waters and see its not so bad.

good luck, wb, MCRmy<3

Lexiedrops / Jan 20 2010 17.20

I always question it. My boyfriend said I don't need to visit the doctors yet. My mum feeds me such big portions and the only meal I'd have to eat is dinner and if I eat in the evening the weight really gets put on. I think, with clothes (yes Ive weighed myself without clothes because it makes me feel better) I weigh 6 stone 13 =[

I want to lose more. I've only lost 4 pounds, I want to lose more...

x

MCRmy / Jan 22 2010 12.58

6.13 is still small. You dont need ti loose weight. =/

cant you have breakfast?

MCRmy.

Lexiedrops / Jan 22 2010 21.17

My weight changes. it depends. I've started using the Wii Fit as my scales are faulty. I can't eat breakfast, otherwise i feel bloated and sick for most of the day. And if i do eat and keep it down (which i usually have to around my boyfriend when he comes over) I start feeling all horrible and slightly 'depressed'. I hate it. These past two nights i have been binging then eating. Yesterday i just ate after i had dinner since i didn't eat all day till about 7ish because i was doing something at school and today it was because i couldnt be sick since it was too long after dinner. I had an actimel this morning and that unsettled my stomach a bit this morning. Some of my friends are trying to make me go to the Drs but the more I think about it, the less i think i need to go since im not underweight, i still eat and if i were staying at someone else's house i wouldn't be able to do it.

MCRmy / Jan 23 2010 14.54

I dont really know what to say. Other than I think you need a doctor. MCRmy

mess / Jan 23 2010 21.36

yes you do have an eating disorder any issue with food wether you eat sometimes or not is an eating disorder. in my opinion the best thing for you 2 do is to talk 2 someone because most eating disorders come from problems in your life if you talk about these problems and the eating problem will sort its self out. try getting into CAMHS it has been very  helpfull for me.

good luck xxx

ps. dont get obssessed with having an eating diorder because my friend got obssessed and anorexia killed her

Lexiedrops / Jan 24 2010 19.33

These past two days i've been eating a lot and put on more weight than I have lost in like a week -.- this is what happens when I eat I really can't stop. Now I feel sick though I can't be sick and I feel low and I've just self-harmed...

Since I have eaten... I'm more put off seeing the doctor... but I'm trying to get the courage to go...

I'm not sure what is is that has brought this eating thing on... I think it may be stress and low self-esteem.

And mess, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. My friend had Anorexia and is recovering x