RainyDay123 / Dec 04 2009 21.14

 I know what u feel like. Tell someone please do something i see camhs but im shy and dont like talking 2 any1 much but u need help :') and ur not a freak ok x

RainyDay321 x

overandout / Dec 06 2009 16.17

 Jen,

It's scary how similar your situation is to mine, like you, I've recently been discharged by CAMHS, and now I feel so alone.

We have to keep going, even if we cannot see a point in it right now, in the future somehwere there is a light.

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."
-- Albert Camus

Stay strong.

xxx

Jen301 / Dec 06 2009 16.45

Thankyou for replyingf both people

 

Overandout how are you coping with evrything? Im not sure what to do im trying to keep going but i dont even know what im doing... just seems no point and its so much harder to try on my own than when i had people to lean on

overandout / Dec 06 2009 18.47

 How am I coping?

Not very well if I'm honest, but I'm still here. The hope that one day I'll wake up and the darkness will have gone is fading.

Personally, I'm just burying myself in my studies and not giving myself any time to sit and think. I suggest trying to keep yourself as busy as possible. I know the last thing you feel like doing is being around people and out in public, but it's not healthy being alone. How about you go out to the cinema or something? Atleast then you don't have to make conversation with whoever you're with. Just and idea.

I'm here to help if you need me.

 

Jen301 / Dec 07 2009 22.27

are you still in high school? im in my last year and if im honest the thought of leaving terrifies me; im not gonna be able to cope with college i dont want to make it...  Tbh i never feel like making myself busy, dont have any motivation to get stuff done and all i ever do is lie around on my backside all the time. You know, i went for like 2 days without SH but i fail again and it hurts a lot but it feels better than the feelings i had before i did it and i cant cope without it and i know its weird but i like the pain, its sharp and comforting somehow and i dont even know why im trying to give it up. Sometimes i feel like im doing it for other people  because right now i sure as hell dont feel like giving it up. Its like self harm is my life, if i let go of it i will have nothing else. I feel like my world will just fall apart and that really scares me; i dont think i can do any of this. I just want it to go away and so i can curl up in a corner somewhere... its so hard? I feel like an utter failure

overandout / Dec 08 2009 20.17

 Self harm to me is a comfort, an escape. It makes me feel something rather then nothing at all. It sounds like self harm has been in your life for a long time, loosing any big part of your life is going to be hard. This is very hypocritical of me, but you have to think of your future, we both do.

I'm guessing as you're in your final year of school you'll be having a prom or formal at the end of the year? It was my prom that made me give up self harm before, I felt sick at the thought of people seeing my scars Though unfortunately it's all come rushing back since.

I'm currently at sithform in my final year, and I'm DREADING leaving and being without the support of a school environment, but I'll cross that hurdle when I come to it.

Hold on.

Jen301 / Dec 08 2009 22.31

Wow, all that stuff you said, totally relating to that. I am dreading leaving school too because when you leave school you end up totally alone and the work gets harder and there will be more of it and i dont think i will be able to do that... yeah my prom is going to be in june i think or july? One of those two anyway, but yeah it was gonna be a motivation to try and at least cut down the self harm but then i realised my arms are beyond repair now so I just always figured I might as well keep going so I could cope with stuff...

how long have you been SHing for??? For me its been 2yrs =(

overandout / Dec 09 2009 13.02

 I've been self harming on and off for 3 years now.

It's true you can never really give up, because self harm is sometihng that will always be with me.

College is a big step up, I found that, but the work and whatnot isn't as hard as you think it'll be. It may suit you having free periods during the week, it helped me having a not so full timetable.No matter what people tell you, it's very similar to school with support etc.

With regard to you not seeing the point in stopping self harming because you're already a mess. Remember; scars are better then cuts. When people see scars they'll think 'She's strong, whatever she's been through she's got through it and made it out alive the other side'

What do you plan on doing when you leave school?

Chin up.

down / Dec 09 2009 18.25

 it relate to you all in so many ways but no one will leave me i wish i were dead