I would say i've being struggling with depression for a year now...

Before I used to cry atleast once every two days, sometimes I used to be so out of control my breathing would increase rapidly and just thinking that my mum could hear me made me even worse. I did, only on four occasions, result to self-harm but now I just don't have the stomach to do it...

I have few friends at school, perhaps one best friend. I'm self-conscious about my weight and recently been starving myself to maybe a sandwich and chocolate bar a day, just to feel comfortable with myself. I have quite good levels at school and the pressure from my family just makes it ever more stressing, thinking I'm going to fail and be a nobody. Unfortunately, my parents broke up when I was 10 y/o, my mum's been nagging my dad for child maintenance but she does nothing on her behalf, my dad refuses to do anything concerning my mum and so i'm left with my nan, who everyday is getting weaker and it kills me to see her.

What I feel makes my depression so difficult is i've adapted to my behaviour and my ways and i've become more confused. I've started to like being depressed, but inside there's like two people... one wants to be depressed but the other doesn't. Just thinking on the subject makes me more depressed, so, I try to ignore it but it just makes things worse...

I would see someone but I'm just too shy and i don't want the reality of my true life clashing with school.

Does anyone know what I can do? It'd really help me alot. Thanks a bunch for reading.

A x