angeleyes8 / Jan 01 2010 20.34

Firstly dont be sorry, thank you for expressing so much of how you are feeling and what is going on for you right now. I know its really hard when you feel so alone but in writing that you've got alot of support on this site that can hopefully help you. Secondly as the site states, no problem is too big or small. Your life seems really hard for you and thats saddening - dont compare your life to other peoples in how bad it is - for you its not easy and thats where help is needed. You definatly seem to be under alot of pressure at the moment and the more that stresses you out the harder it makes everything. I think your parents just want you to do well and succeed in life, i know they seem to be pushing you and expecting alot from you but they do seem to really care for your future which is a possitive thing. But i think your parents need to realise that you are your own person, you are the one living your life and to some extent you need to chose your own paths and make your own mistakes in order to grow and mature. You should be able to do what makes you happy and have the support of your parents in doing so. Maybe you should try and plan things out for yourself as you want to see it - for example if you want to go into show jumping maybe think okay so when i leave school i'll go to X college and do a course with horses and i'll continue to do jumping when i get the chance ect.. show your parents that it means alot to you and you've thought things out - maybe then they'll think a bit differently. You sound a very bright girl with alot going for you. I failed alot of things and dont have much to say for myself at all really - no passions or hobbies - so thats definatly something possitive in your life. School can be a really hard time - especially exams! You could probably do with breaking revision down - maybe try different methods like drawing diagramns or downloading audio revision from bitesize and listen to it when your on your way to somewhere (thats what i used to do). Try and find time when your feeling down or dont know what to do, to have some "you" time - maybe take a long hot bath or read a book you enjoy or watch your favourite film to help you relax a bit - take some weight off your mind. I suffer greatly from anxiety and so i know the nervous situations all too well - have you consulted your GP at all on how you are feeling? Maybe see if there is anything they can offer you to help you out? I too suffer from back problems and am waiting to see a pain specialist and physio - i know how painful it can be and how restricting also. But dont feel embarrased - you say that you dont wear your back brace as often as you should - i know you'll have reasons for that but maybe consider trying too as it may be more helpful and give you something less to worry about. I know what its like to feel at the end of your teather, like you cant keep going, like all is going to tumble - But i really do hope this new year brings new things for you - better things - a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you manage to take away something from my response and i'll be around to keep chatting and find ways to help you. You're not alone - let people in. God bless you xx

Taylor1707 / Jan 02 2010 2.49

hello,

i can relate to how you are feeling, as i am also taking my mocks when i get back to school. Wow! it does sound like a lot of stuff you have to deal with and it sounds like things would be easier if you just had someone to talk to. As far as your parents are concerned, you shouldn't be scared of them. If your mum shouts at you, just think about the future, and what will b as a result of the hard wok you put in, whether it be A's or D. And riding? its the thing that you enjoy most right?so enjoy it! dont get upset or worried about competitions. Its what keeps you motivated, so enjoy every second, and think about what will happen when you pass the events, time will pass, and you will wonder what you were worried about.

From me the best advise would be not to let what is happening now effect you or stress you out, because that is hat is making you unhappy and having headaches, if you want to talk to someone, you can talk to a counsellor, but not always, you have the power to take control of how you feel, and how you see things, and it sounds like you are seeing the darker side of things. The more you are by yourself, the more you dont talk to anyone, the more you will feel unhappy, and trust me thats true. You can talk you your close friend, if you dont, how does she know something is wrong? and even though your dad isnt a girl, he will listen to you!

good luck x

Jenny94 / Jan 02 2010 10.59

hey

I can relate to alot of things u've said. I also go to a privet school and i know how much pressure there is to do well because however good the school is they really care about results.

My mum always has and always will expect a lot from me. I've done my mock exams in November (i live in scotland we don't get A* its just A's) and i got 8 A's and one C! My dad said it was a shame but congratulated me on the other ones. My mum, however, shouted at me and said i had obviosly not revised hard enough and i have to get good results if i ever want to have a good job (she also wants me to be a lawyer)

I suffer from stress and anxiety disorder and so i know exactly how panicky and stressful certain situations can get. It sounds to me that you have all this pressure from your mum that u feel u have to do very very well in everything. Its the same with me and my mum, i'm always trying to impress her and trying to get praise!!

I know this doesn't sound right but she really does only care about you. She obviously wants you do be the best u can in life and it sounds to me that shes been very sucessful! 

I think you should sit down with your mum and ask her why she doesn't believe you because you've proved many times that u do tell the truth. Try and build a better relationship with her so that u can talk to her too.

Carry on with your show jumping, you obviously care lots about it. Do ur best but remember not to feel too down hearted if you don't win this competition. I wish you lots of luck anyway, i have two friends who are obsssed with horses, so i know how much u guys care about it!!!!

You go to a good school so there must be good support out there for you. At  my school we have a head of year and i'm sure you must have an equivilant. Talk to them and just say you're feeling a bit stressed out about exams and talk about your mum. Don't put her down exactly but just say you feel really pressurised and is there somthing you can do. They'll want to help you coz ur obviously a top student and work hard.

Anyway, this isn't very well structured, but i hope i've helped you! I honestly do know what its like, this holiday i've been verging on tears constatly!

alright, well take care of ur self and please do tell me how things go!!!

Jenny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

bunnyhop / Jan 02 2010 11.01

Hi =)

I really wish I could hug you. But I can't, so I hope a virtual one will do.

Just can I say- it doesn't matter not having a boyfriend at your age It's not because you're unattractive or anything. I haven't had a boyfriend either and probably a year below you in year nine.

You must be really stressed, and I don't think what your mother is doing is fair - I think she's putting so much pressure on you so you actually do worse. You sound very smart. My brother got five A*s in his GCSEs and six As. It might not be exactly what your mother is expecting, but at my school, it is seen as brilliant. And it is. I'm not trying to show off- I won't be capable of that probably, but if you've gone down to an A it's disappointing for you with such high standards but an A used to be the highest and to be a lawyer if you have one A and the rest are A*s then I'm pretty sure you can still be one, although you don't want to be a lawyer, getting the grades for it will keep your mum quiet for now. She just wants you to be successful, but there's no reason why you can't do both her dreams and yours. =) You're smart enough, but- even though I think you are capable of all A*s, I doubt you are going to get them in your mocks. I wouldn't be surprised if you went down to a B, which is fine for most people but you have high standards, like my brother. You might even fail, my brother failes statistics then went up to an A*. And I think it was because of the pressure. A different type of pressure, the time limit etc, but I think you need to spend less time revising because it's better to read it three times and take it in than ninety nine times and not take it in. So firstly, take a bath. Because that can sooth you, and then when you're relaxed, revise. If you're struggling with anything try asking a teacher if you can [or post here if you like, my brother has done his GCSEs and I know he got some As but he would be really helpful =)] but maybe not your parents because if you don't get it they might get cross and that will make you stressed.

About jumping- a sort of friend of mine loves riding and horses, in fact, when I first read your message, I thought "is it her?" =) And she doesn't always win. She wants to of course, but it doesn't mean you're bad if you lose, or even if you come last. It shows where you can improve and you can ask your instructor. Like Taylor1707 said, this is what you enjoy. Just enjoy it =) Your new pony won't be a waste of money, try training it more =)

You say you have a friend who you can talk to, do you think you could talk to her about how you are feeling more? Tell her you feel left out when she mentions all her other friends as you don't have any, and she may ask you to join in.

I'm pleased you find the time to pay tennis with your dad- more exercise may help you get rid of the stress. It also releases endorphins which make you happier =)

About your scoliosis, I wasn't sure what it was until I looked it up and the back brace must be uncomfortable, especially when going to bed. Although, for it to get any better you will need to wear your back brace, so try sleeping on your front if you can. You can always see your doctor and tell him/her it is uncomfortable. It's a pity your mum doesn't believe you though, but she should know you don't need all A*s to be a lawyer, I don't think so anyway. I'll ask my brother, he will know. I doubt it because he can still be a doctor despite getting not all A*s. I'll have to ask him later though as he's still in bed. Yes, I know it's nearly midday, but like you, my brother likes his sleep.

Please reply back if you want to talk about it more =) And I am here for you whenever you want to talk. For now, just relax and play a game or something. You need a break

bunnyhop / Jan 02 2010 12.50

I asked my brother and he doesn't know but there are lots of ways to be a lawyer

shojumpa / Jan 02 2010 16.40

hi, thanks to everyone who's replied so quickly, made me feel like there are people in the world who appreciate how hard life can be sometimes!

thanks angeleyes8, im going to have some me-time it might help. and thanks everyone else, i read all your comments and they made me feel a bit better, thank you.

will just take life as it comes :/ no luck the revision and horses went badly again today, but tomorrows another day.

thanks again x

bunnyhop / Jan 02 2010 17.28

Yay, I'm glad you're a bit better now, and glad someone could be of some help. I'm sorry to hear that, but like you said tomorrow is a new day. =)

Tell us how it goes tomorrow =)

shojumpa / Jan 03 2010 18.01

hi everyone,

as we've said, today is a new day and all in all it went ok (:

didn't do too much work and the horses went well for once so thats a good thing, thank you for replying (:

might go read my book now thing is though its not really a relaxation book haha its a thriller but still... its good.

 

thank you eveyone again and ill try to help with all your problems too x

bunnyhop / Jan 09 2010 19.47

Glad it went okay! =D

Tell us how it's going