The most universal Christmas traditions begin with T: turkey, tinsel and trauma. After weeks of joyfully and childishly looking forward to seeing our relatives again, we discover – as we do every year – that four solid days of eating and drinking ends in anguish and broken crockery. Instead of watching the Queen’s speech, we fight over whose turn it is to sit next to a particularly belligerent great-aunt at dinner, or who’s made the biggest mess of their life. The good news is that the same arguments come round time and again. This means that with a little planning (and a few deep breaths) you can celebrate without angering your auntie, moaning at your mum or threatening your siblings with a brimming glass of advocaat. Here’s how to avoid the main flashpoints.
The ‘Call that a job?’ fight <3
Do you sometimes suspect that your older relatives – especially your parents – wilfully misunderstand what you do for a living? The best way to stop them asking annoying questions is to just bore on about it. Tell them what you’d say to a stranger if you were making awkward small talk at a party, instead of assuming that they’re out to trap you, because you both know that they raised a family through traditional graft and you can barely pay the rent on a studio flat, and your job title didn’t exist before 2009.
<3 It won’t be easy – I speak as someone who is sometimes paid to live-tweet the comings and goings of the Kardashians.
