i am nearly 17 and was sexually and physically abused by my father and his friends. It was mainly a group thing, but happened individually between the two of us aswell.
The hardest thing for me to cope with is the self hatred, its hard to put into words, but its always there eating away at me. Its like there is me and then there is my body and i get really angry, self-hating, and guilty with my body and so desperately want to escape it. I have tried many different things including starving myself bingeing (which felt like i was choking, which reminded me of oral sex and was sick) and now i cut myself up and take drugs, any kind to damage my body... I really dont know what to do!!!! just recently my dad died and everyone now talks about him like he was a saint, i know the truth but "you cant speak badly of the dead" so my nan says.
i just dont know what to do next, i feel horrible, and just want to run away!!! and i cut myself regularly, and take drugs when i can.
and, what he did to you is what HE did to you, you never brang it on to yourself. why are you harming yourself? havent you been harmed enough already? as hard as it sounds, youve got to escape that state of mind. what happened has happened, you cant turn back the clock even how much you wish for it too. but, you can do something positive about it. like doing an achievement, pushing yourself to do something that will make you feel good about yourself.
