Ask Sam

Hi there

Thank you for your message. I can hear how worried you are about this so it’s a good idea to talk it through with someone like me.

It sounds like you feel really concerned about your friend’s boyfriend being emotionally abusive towards her. I can sense you feel that you should do something to protect her. Firstly, I’m wondering what you have said to your friend about how worried you are? You don’t mention what is happening to make you think that your friend is being abused. Once you know how you’re friend feels about how she is being treated you will be in a better position to know how to help her.

It might be that your friend does feel upset by how her boyfriend is behaving. In this case you could be a great support to your friend. It’s important that she has someone who will listen to her and talk through how she feels and what she wants to do next. One idea would be to encourage your friend to log on for a 1-2-1 chat with a ChildLine counsellor. You could also have a look at the ChildLine website together as there is a section on Relationship abuse with some useful information.

You asked if you should tell the police or stand up to him. If you are really worried about your friend’s safety and think she may be at risk of being physically hurt, it would be a good idea to talk to her about telling a parent, teacher or another adult you trust. Also if you or your friend ever feel in immediate danger you have the right to call the emergency police immediately. You didn’t tell me what you mean by “standing up” to him, but it’s always worth thinking about possible consequences before we confront someone.

I can really sense how much you want to help your friend, which shows you are a caring person. I know how difficult it can be to help someone that you care about so it’s important that you get the support you need.

If you want to talk this through some more, remember that the ChildLine counsellors are always there to talk. You can talk through your options or just offload how you are feeling.

You can call our counsellors for free on 0800 1111. Or you can have a 1-2-1 chat or email a counsellor.

Take care

Sam