Ask Sam

To Sam 3 March 2016

I'm lying to them

To Sam
Before the Christmas Holidays, I told my form tutor that i was self harming partly due to bullying at school. Because of the school's policy, my parents had to be told, and that turned out okay. However now my parents ask me whether i'm okay and i always say yes even though i'm not and i'm feeling suicidal. I find it really hard to talk to people about how i feel and it was a massive step for me just to tell someone, so now i feel really overwhelmed by having to talk about my feelings the whole time, so i just pretend i'm okay.
I have been thinking about talking to my form tutor about my suicidal thoughts because no one knows as yet, but i suspect she will probably have to tell my parents and i feel like i'm being really unfair to them by suddenly being 'not okay' and being suicidal. I just don't know what to do because i've been feeling this way for ages and i just can't cope, but i don't wnat to have to talk about how i feel because i find it really uncomfortable.
Please help,
F

Sam 3 March 2016

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter and well done for contacting me to get some support.
You were really brave to speak to your form tutor about self-harming and about the bullying at school. It sounds like the bullying had been really getting you down. Nobody should be bullying you and schools have a responsibility to do what they can to stop it happening, so you did the right thing.

Sometimes it can be harder talking about how we feel with the people we are closest to. We might be worried what they will think about our problem or that it could upset them. You’ve said that it would be unfair to tell them you feel suicidal because they think you’re okay. If they are still asking you about your feelings, it could be a sign that they know something still isn’t right - even though you’re telling them things are fine.

It also sounds like you’re already considering sharing your suicidal feelings with your form tutor, but are not sure what might happen next. It seems like you really want some extra support to get things to change. Maybe it would be helpful to have a think about what you might like to come from talking to your form tutor. Do you have some specific ideas about the type of support that you would like? It seems like she was someone that you have felt able to open up to before.

ChildLine would really like to support you with how you’re feeling and help you to be safe. If you’re finding it hard to be open about how you’re feeling with those close to you, there is always a counsellor here to listen and support you in any way they can. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or use 1-2-1 chat. You may also want to take a look at our pages about self-harm, bullying and suicidal thoughts and feelings for some more information and ideas.

Take care,
Sam

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