When I was six my grandad died and he used to live with me along with my mum, dad and grandma. And now i'm really scard that my grandma is going to die soon because she has dementia and she has a problem with her feet. I really love my grandma but she has never been the same since my grandad died. I guess the thing that upsets me the most is that the women i knew (when she was still able) is not there anymore. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE HER BETTER? AND IS THERE ANY WAY TO BE READY FOR HER DEATH? Form
Sam
Hello,
Thank you for your letter.
I can hear how worried you are about your grandma, and you’ve been thinking that she may die very soon. It’s important to remember that feeling upset, scared or worried are all emotions we can have when someone close to us is very ill, and there's no right or wrong way to feel.
You told me that your grandma has never been the same since your grandad died, and you feel as though you’ve already lost the person that she used to be. Grief is a natural feeling we have when we lose someone, and as your grandma has developed dementia, you’re already facing the loss of the person you used to know and the loss of your close relationship with her. I can hear how sad this is making you feel and you want to find a way to be prepared for her death.
It may be helpful to ask yourself what your grandma might say if she knew how you’re feeling. Because you love her so much it may be that you can accept that she wouldn’t want you to feel so sad and upset.
Holding on to memories can be difficult, collecting special reminders such as photos or gifts could help you to remember. You can keep these together in a memory box which will always be there to remind you how special your grandma is.
Thinking about the happy times you had together when you were younger may be something that other members of your family could help you with. It’s important that you have the space to talk about all these feelings. It may be difficult to talk to your mum and dad and other people close to you in case you think you’ll upset them.
If you don’t feel like you can talk to your parents just now I wonder what it would be like to talk to a Childline counselor?
There are different ways to do this, you can ring our free number 0800 1111, have a 1-2-1 chat which is similar to instant messenger by coming on-line through our web-site or sending an email.
Whenever you’d like to talk there’ll be someone here to listen to you,
Take care,
Sam
Need help straight away?
Contact a counsellor online or call 0800 1111. Calls are free and confidential.
