i dont understand why people ave to die on me i miss my step dad i wish i could just hear his voice just one more time why cant i swap places with him he was never bad cancer is the worse disease he got i never heared him say goodbye all i couls say was goodbye at his funeral and i feel i should end my life just to be with him im never smiling im always crying and i take it out on others why cant life be different please can you help me before i just end my life
Sam
Hello and thanks for sending your letter to me,
I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your step-dad. It sounds like you were really close to him and you wanted to have more time to say goodbye. It can be really painful to lose someone you care about and it can leave you with a lot of unanswered questions such as why did it happen to him? I can tell that you feel very unhappy and you miss him so much and your sad feelings are starting to affect the way you behave towards others. It is not unusual for our reactions and behavior to change when we feel a strong emotion, particularly one we may not fully understand and want to go away.
Some people find that creating a memory box helps; this box can contain special reminders of your step-dad such as photo and gifts that help you remember the good times you had together. This way you will always have a way of keeping these memories alive and this will be something personal to you. Another option is to create a sand jar which you can create by filling a jar with different coloured sands; each of the colours represents a different part of the person you have lost.
I want to let you know I’m concerned to hear you feel you should end your life and would encourage you to get in contact with a counsellor at ChildLine so that you can talk about this some more. It can be really hard when we find ourselves at a point where we feel ending our life might be the best option, I want you to know that I do not believe that is the answer and there is help available to allow you to talk about this and look at ways to cope. As well as getting support from ChildLine you might also want to have a look at Winstons Wish. This organisation can offer practical support and guidance to young people who are grieving.
If you would like to talk to us some more about this then you can give ChildLine a ring on 0800 1111, request a 1-2-1 chat through the website or send them an e-mail.
Take care,
Sam
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Contact a counsellor online or call 0800 1111. Calls are free and confidential.
