I am arguing with mum a lot and am very angry with her all the time. Dad died 2 yrs ago and she has moved on!!! I still miss him. She has moved her b/f in. He is a nice guy but i dont want him in our house. I have been talking to a teacher in school about how i am feeling as i am unable to talk to mum. I dont want to be angry all the time i dont like upseting mum. I miss dad! I just want to know why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why did he do that!
Sam
Hi,
Thank you for writing to me. I can hear from your message that you’re hurting inside and miss dad very much. Losing someone you love is one of the hardest experiences that you can go through. Losing a parent can be especially difficult, so I’m really pleased that you’re asking for support.
You’ve said that mum’s new boyfriend has moved in. It sounds like it’s hard for you seeing your mum’s boyfriend in the home that you shared with dad. People are able to move forward at different times after a loss. There is no right or wrong time for any of us to move on, but I can hear that it’s painful to feel like your mum is moving on without you.
I wonder if you’ve thought of keeping a memory box for dad? You can fill it with photos or special gifts that remind you of him. You might like to try writing a poem or drawing a picture of him to keep in it, so that the box can help to keep your memories alive. This can be something just for you alone to keep.
You mentioned that you keep arguing with mum and feel angry with her all the time. Anger is a natural emotion to have when someone dies. Your anger may be directed at mum and perhaps sometimes at dad also. It’s good to hear that you’re talking to your teacher about your feelings. Talking can be a good way of letting some of your feelings out safely. You might want also to think about asking to see a bereavement counsellor. Bereavement counsellors are experts in supporting people who are dealing with someone’s death. This might be something that school could arrange, or it might be something you’d need to talk to your doctor about.
I also wonder how it might feel talking to a ChildLine counsellor. It might help to tell them about how you are coping since losing dad and the feelings of anger that surround this. You can call them on 0800 1111 (this is a freephone number) or you can have a 1-2-1 chat online, which works like instant messenger.
You might also like to take a look at the page in Explore on When someone dies. You could also look at the website for CRUSE and Winston’s Wish, both have lots of advice for young people about coping when someone dies.
Take care,
Sam
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