Ask Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me at what sounds like a really difficult time for you.

You’ve started your letter by explaining the impact that the RE lesson about love has had on you. I can hear that it’s changed how you feel about your parents separating seven years ago.

You mentioned how sad you feel about your mum spending so much time with her new boyfriend. From what you say your mum’s been really different since she met him and you’re finding it difficult to adjust to this “new” mum. It’s not unusual to feel confused and upset when there are big changes to the important relationships in our lives. It sounds especially hard for you because things had been the same at home for so many years. I can hear you say that you don’t feel able to talk to your mum, but I wonder if you’d consider writing her a letter to explain what’s on your mind? Your mum has been single for a long time and it may be that in the excitement of meeting someone new she hasn’t realised how you are feeling. She has the right to be in a relationship and to feel happy about that, but it’s important that she still has time and energy for you and your sister. Talking through what you want from your mum and hearing what it’s like for her at the moment might give you a chance to get your relationship back on track. You may also find that once everyone gets used to your mum’s new boyfriend being around, things starts to settle down again.

I can hear that you are very confused about how you feel and you have been really courageous writing it down in a letter to me. Talking to a teacher you trust could certainly help you work through some of those feelings. ChildLine counsellors are also available to talk to whenever you feel the need to chat and can be contacted by calling 0800 1111, or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat. There is a lot of useful information around home and families in Explore that you might want to read.

There are other young people who’ve gone through similar situations and you can read about their experiences on the message boards. As well as reading their posts, you could post a message yourself and encourage other young people to share their thoughts on what’s happening.

Well done for contacting me and I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam