i am a 13 year old girl, and there's not much to say really. I want to be a boy, when I was a bit younger about 2-9 years, I always said to my mom and dad I wanna be a boy but In a 'jokey' sort of way. I then started to wear more boy-ish clothes, and I started to change, I was happy. But then I thought to myself I'm a girl, so let's stick to being a girl? Right? Now I'm different, I don't wear them boy-ish clothes anymore, now I always wear leggings, dresses things like that. But then on social media I follow this person, and he was a girl but then he came out and is now transgender. He is a boy now, and I think I wanna be like that! But I can't. Help? I want to tell my parents but I don't know... I'm just not a confident person.
Sam
Hi there,
Gender is a really important part of an individual’s identity and it forms part of the person we are. As we grow and change from being a young person to a young adult, it’s very natural to consider and become more aware of what your gender is and what it means to you.
The important thing to remember when you are growing through puberty is that you don’t have to feel pressured to make any decisions too quickly. It is always okay to grow into the person you want to be. It’s natural to question who you are and who you want to be because all the time you are building upon ideas that feel right for you. It may be that you continue to feel unsure about your gender and that when you are fully sure and a young adult you make the steps to get some help and support to know what your options are around changing your gender.
Very often we can hear things that make us think of things in terms of whether they are male or female but there is no right or wrong way to be and if we continue to think of things as being gender orientated then we run the risk of ‘stereotyping’. This is where we make generalisations about specific ideas and place them on people which then doesn’t represent individuality or how things are in reality.
Talking about gender is a very healthy thing to do. You never have to feel like you need to hide how you feel or the person you want to be. Feelings may change, and that’s okay, but having the support around you can help you to feel less isolated and more supported.
If it’s difficult to reach out with spoken words then you may like to consider writing a letter to somebody you trust, like a family member, or this could be a text message or email. Making that first step may feel difficult but equally so that living with a concern that is leaving you feeling worried and confused.
Remember there's always a counsellor at ChildLine who’ll be happy to listen and support you anytime you need to talk.
Take care, Sam
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