Well, it's a bit of a complicated story but here goes. So last year when I was sixteen I wasn't having a very good time and my self esteem was pretty low. Anyway. I had this friend who is a boy and he was fourteen. I'd known him for a long time. Somehow we ended up having sex like four or five times. (Yup told u it was complicated)
Anyhow that was a year ago and I don't want anything more to do with me cos I'm well aware that he used me. But he keeps asking me to have sex with him again. He is threatening to report me for raping him (for the previous times cos I was 16 so technically what I did was wrong) if I don't. Can he actually do that? What would happen if he does? Should I just sleep with him again (I don't want to and it would disgust me)? But doing it again won't make the first times right! What should I do?
Sam
Hi there,
Relationships and sex can be tricky and it can sometimes be really difficult to have a straight forward break and move on, particularly when feelings have been hurt and one person may find it harder to let go than the other.
It’s important to remember that you have a choice on whether you want to be a part of any relationship and that it’s never ok for anyone to force or pressurise you to do anything against your will.
Just because you’ve slept with someone before does not mean you have to sleep with them again. Your body is your own and it’s never ok for anyone to threaten you into sexual favours regardless of what your relationship might have been like in the past. This is called sexual abuse and is not acceptable.
I can understand you feeling concerned about him saying that he may report you for having had sex with someone below the legal age of 16. However him blackmailing you into continuing to sleep with him goes against your rights and means that you would be able to report him for this. What he is doing is a type of emotional abuse.
It’s also important to remember that continuing to sleep with him simply does not guarantee that he will stop. He may ask for more and more sexual favours if he sees that his threats work.
You may want to consider explaining how all of this is making you feel to this boy. Telling someone how you feel doesn’t always change a situation but it can help you to feel more heard and understood. It may be worth considering what you would like him to know about what his threats are like for you.
There are trusted adults to protect you and help you break free from this. You might like to consider who the trusted adults are in your life and what it might be like asking an adult for help. It’s also important to store the messages sent between yourself and the boy and perhaps keeping a diary of what is said, when and how it makes you feel. In showing this to someone it can help create a clear picture of what has happened and how you can be kept safe.
No matter what happens, you can always come through and to talk things through with a counsellor who can support you. Talking about it is a really brave and important first step in getting support.
You can request a 1-2-1 chat (a bit like instant messenger) or call us free anytime on 0800 1111 (it won’t show up on your bill).
I hope some of this helps,
Take care, Sam
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