when i was 5 or 6 i was in my aunties (moms sister ) house with my cousin sister. then i went upstairs to go to the toilet and then my aunties husband startd talking to me and took me to his room. he lay me back on the bed and lokced the die with him inside and then next thing i know he put his tongue in my mouth i think he done it 2 or 3 times. then h gave me a sweet and let me go downstairs. i dont know why but i didnt tell my cousin. i just sat there. when i was 7 i told my mom what happened she gave me a hug and startd crying and thn told me to stay away from him and dont be in the same room as him. i geuss i know now why she never confronted him or told my auntie becuas thyre probably think i was lying or something or it will break th family apart. well i listned to her and it never happened again. im 14 now. eveytime i go to my aunties house i just avoid him and since that time i go less to her house. has this encounter made me anti - social and not normal now ? and what happened before was that sexual abuse ?
Sam
Hi,
Thank you for your letter, well done for getting in touch. From what you have said I get the feeling that you have been holding on to what happened for a long time without feeling very supported. I’m glad you decided to write to me.
What your auntie’s husband did when you were younger was wrong and it is a type of sexual abuse. Nobody is ever allowed to force or pressurise another person into doing anything that they don’t want to do. Since you were so young it might have been quite difficult for you to understand what was happening. You said that you didn’t tell your cousin and you ‘just sat there’. It sounds like you might have been in shock and feeling confused.
You did the right thing to tell your mum what happened and I’m glad to hear that it has never happened again. It seems like you are unsure of your mum’s reasons behind not having confronted him or your auntie. You might want to think about talking to your mum about that day again now that you are older and can discuss and understand it more easily.
You’ve asked whether this encounter has made you anti-social and not normal since you go less to your auntie’s house and avoid her husband. I don’t think that sounds anti-social at all, it’s quite understandable to avoid someone who has made you feel unsafe or who has done something wrong.
ChildLine counsellors are there to support you any time you want to talk about how you are feeling. Sometimes having a conversation with a counsellor can help you to understand your feelings and decide whether there is anything that you want to do about them. You can talk to a counsellor by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat or by calling them on 0800 1111 (this is a free number, even from a mobile and it won’t show up on your bill).
You can also seek peer support from the ChildLine message boards. There is a sexual abuse board where there are threads from other young people talking about issues and feelings around sexual abuse.
Hope this helps,
Take care,
Sam
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