Umm, I have a boyfriend, and its great and we are so alike, its just whenever we are over at each others houses its fine and stuff but as soon as we get to school, he's suddenly really clingy, like he needs to prove to everyone that we are together, and i want to sometimes just chill with my friend u know? i don't know how to say to him, because he gets all grumpy i f i try and say anything. and sometimes when we are at each other's houses he just constantly wants to snog me! I've had to warn him a few times, I just don't know what to do!
Sam
Hi there,
Thanks for taking the time to get in touch and tell me what’s going on for you. You explained that you don’t know what to do and I’m really glad you felt able to write to me.
It sounds like sometimes things with your boyfriend are fine, but that when he’s clingy, or constantly wants to snog you, it makes you feel uncomfortable.
It’s normal and healthy to spend time with people other than your boyfriend, and it’s important that he lets you have quality time with your friends. It’s also important that he respects your boundaries and stops trying to kiss you when you tell him to - you shouldn’t have to keep warning him about this.
Part of being in a relationship is thinking about how the other person feels. I can hear that you’ve tried to explain your feelings to your boyfriend, but that rather than trying to see your point of view he has got all grumpy. I’m wondering what it would be like to write him a letter or an email explaining what you think is great about the relationship, but also letting him know that the way he behaves at school and when you’re at each other’s houses sometimes needs to change. Perhaps you could include some suggestions about how you would like things to be.
Another option could be to think about whether there is someone you’re both friends with who you feel understands and might be able to talk to your boyfriend about this for you.
No relationship is perfect, and there will always be a bit of work involved in learning to balance both people’s needs and wants. If you are both prepared to listen carefully to each other then that is a really good start.
You might want to take a look at the message boards on the Childline website. They’re a place where young people in similar situations can post each other messages of support. There’s even a relationships message board.
You might also want to think about having a chat with a Childline Counsellor about this. You can speak to a counsellor by calling 0800 1111. The call is free and it won’t show up on your phone bill. Another way to talk to a counsellor is to log on for a 1-2-1 chat on the Childline website.
Take care,
Sam
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