Ask Sam

Hi there,

I can hear how sad you’re feeling about what’s happened. When people we care about aren’t getting along it can really hurt us. This is especially true when it’s parents or someone who is there to look after you.

Whatever happens with your mum and dad, it’s important you know that there’s nothing you could have said or done to make them argue. Their relationship is down to them and as adults they are the ones that have to take responsibility for it.

What’s important now is how you cope with things – a lot of what happens is out of your control. Just as you couldn’t have said anything to make them argue, it’s going to be difficult for you to say anything that can get them back together. Feeling out of control like this can be frustrating, so one of the things you can do is find ways to take your mind off what’s happening. Maybe you could do something you really enjoy or spend time with friends – anything that means you’re not thinking about your mum and dad’s arguments.

The other thing you could do is talk to someone. You might want to talk to your parents about how you feel about their arguments, if you feel able to do that. If you’d rather not then you could find someone else who you trust and who can listen to you. If you’re worried about being upset at school, perhaps you can let a teacher know so that they can make sure you have space if you need it.

ChildLine is always here for you if you wanted to talk to someone –just get in touch with us, the counsellors would be more than happy to talk with you.

You might find it useful to look at our family relationships page if you wanted to read some more about coping with this, as well as talking to other people on our message boards.

Take care,
Sam