From a young age i have told little white lies to try and get out of things. I always try and get away with it but i always end up gettin punished by my parents. I love my mum soo much but everytime i lie she feels like im breaking her. I really need to stop but need some advise on how to and the best ways to. She said im no child of hers and i feel so down. She says i can live in the house but wants nothing to do with me for a while. Im only in yr9 and she is so upset she said she bought antidepresants because of me. That hurts as i am always polite and she says im so caring but there is this demon in me that is a liar. Please help
Sam
Hi there,
Thank you for writing to me about the situation at home. You have been really brave to ask for advice on how to stop telling lies to your parents. I can see how upset and hurt you get when your parents punish you for this. The things your mum says to you are not very nice - and it’s not okay for her to hurt your feelings like that.
You don’t say what kind of things you try to get out of, but I would imagine they are either things you don’t like doing very much or things you might get into trouble for. You say that you want to stop telling lies, and one way to do this could be to look at the reasons you lie. Understanding the reasons behind it might help you to talk to someone you trust about how to change that. This might be your parents or it could be another adult you trust – or even one of a ChildLine counsellor.
You said your mum is on antidepressants because of you – but you are not responsible for this. There are lots of reasons someone might need to take antidepressants and there is no way that your mum’s mental health is your fault or because of something you’ve said or done.
Perhaps you could talk to your mum about the reasons you feel the need to tell her white lies. Talk to her about how down you feel when she says nasty things to you, and maybe you can work together on a way for you both to improve the relationship you have with each other. Your mum may be happy that you want to talk about this. You can read more about family relationships here.
In any relationship, it is important to be as honest as you can. You could think about talking this through with a ChildLine counsellor for free by calling 0800 1111. If you’d rather talk online then you could try having a 1-2-1 chat. You could also take a look at the ChildLine message boards where other young people who may be going through similar things post messages of support to each other, and share their experiences.
Take care,
Sam
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