Ask Sam

Hi there,

You said you think you have to act strong for your mum - that sounds like a lot of pressure, especially when you’re already feeling so down. You have the right to show how you’re feeling. You also have the right to support for everything you’re going through. 

Sometimes when a person tries to act as though they’re okay, others just assume that they are. That can mean that the person who’s finding things hard doesn’t get help for themselves. It might help to think about who’s there for you. It could be a teacher, a youth worker or another adult who you trust. If you’re not sure that you want to talk to somebody in your life maybe you could come and talk to a ChildLine counsellor.

I’m concerned to hear that you’ve felt stuck in the middle of your parents’ arguments. It was wrong of your dad to grab your mum by the throat. Nobody has the right to do that to another person and I can tell that you’re really worried about the things you’ve seen and heard. If you’re ever worried for your safety, or for somebody else’s, you can call 999 for emergency help. You might also find our page on domestic violence helpful.

It sounds like you have thought a lot about the reasons behind your dad’s anger, and you feel that he is having problems with his anger because of what he went through in childhood. Nothing makes it okay to be aggressive towards others, but I can tell that you want to try and understand your dad. It could help to have a think about what things are like for you. Maybe you could write down your ideas about how you are feeling right now and show it to him.

It sounds like you’re wondering whether you could keep things private if you tried to get help for yourself. If you’re worried about confidentiality, it can help to ask the person first about what their rules are, so that you know where you stand.

I’m concerned that you’re losing the will to live. If you ever feel like doing something to harm yourself you can talk to Childline, or if you feel in immediate danger call for an ambulance and get urgent medical help. I’m not sure who told you that life gets worse as you get older, but I want you to know that there everyone has a different experience of life. It sounds like it's been unhelpful for you to hear people saying that life gets harder. You might want to have a look at our page on coping with these feelings.

The reality is that people experience good times and difficult times at different stages of life. It’s really important for you to have the help you need so that life can start to feel better. Although some things happen in life which are out of our control, there are other choices we can all make so that we can get the most out of the life we have.

Take good care,
Sam