Ask Sam

Hi there,

Well done for writing to me and letting me know what’s going on for you right now. You’re having a tough time and you’ve done the right thing getting in touch.

It sounds like you’re being a huge support to your best friend. I can hear that you’ve approached the bullies yourself but they haven’t stopped. Maybe now is the time to ask for support from school. Bullying is wrong and it shouldn’t be happening, but it won’t stop unless you or your friend tells someone about it. You can find out more about dealing with bullying in Explore. There are many things that the school can do to help and you could talk to a teacher, school counsellor or nurse about it. It may help your friend to keep a note of what is happening in a diary so that she can show the school what is happening.

It sounds like your friend is really scared about talking to a grown up about how she feels. It is brilliant that she has you to talk to but because she is putting her safety at risk by strangling herself, I think you need to involve an adult. I understand that you have promised not to tell anyone about your friend’s self-harm but this is too much for you to keep to yourself. You mentioned the pastoral head at your school and that is a really good person to talk to about how you feel. Epic Friends is a great website that helps you decide when to involve an adult in helping a friend who is unhappy.

It’s important that you take care of yourself too. You tell me that you have started to self-harm too by cutting yourself and I’m concerned about how hard things have been for you recently. Talking about what’s happening would be one way to try and feel less upset about everything. It’s really important for you or your friend to get medical help if you ever cut deeply or if you are bleeding more than usual. Have a look at the self-harm page in Explore for more advice and information.

Sharing how you feel with a counsellor at ChildLine might help you to explore your own feelings and decide what to do about your friend. You can call a counsellor for free on 0800 1111 or have an online chat through the website.

You should feel proud of yourself for being such a caring friend. I hope this helps you feel less worried about what to do next.

Take care,

Sam