Ask Sam

Hi,

It sounds like you're worried that you might be a bully because after play fighting it looked like T was hurt. It’s good that you are thinking about what has happened, because that tells me that you’re not happy about the idea of hurting someone.

I’m wondering what T thinks is going on. Would he call it play fighting, or does he think that you meant to hurt him? Does he enjoy the play fights, or do they make him uncomfortable? Those are difficult questions for anyone except T to answer. If he doesn’t realise that you are fighting with him to try and get his attention, he might be feeling upset or confused.

Perhaps play fighting has been the only way that you can pay T attention, because you haven’t yet found a way to become friends. A good place to begin might be to think about what you would say to him if you were to apologise for hurting him. That could be the beginning of a conversation about getting to know each other better and becoming friends.

It’s important to have good friends, and you can read more about friendship here. From what you’ve said though, it sounds like you’d like to be more than just friends with T. If you can start by spending time being friends with him, that will help you both decide whether you would like to go out with each other. It can be really scary to tell someone that you have feelings for them, but if you are friends first, it might be easier to work out if he is interested in you too. Sometimes you will need to take a risk to have a chance at having the relationship you want!

Thank you for writing to me about what happened. I hope that you have found this answer helpful. If you want to talk to a counsellor, remember you can phone by calling 0800 1111 (calls are free) or log on for a 1-2-1 chat anytime.

Take care,

Sam