Anger

Why am I angry?

Everybody gets angry sometimes. It can be because something’s happened, or you might feel angry without knowing why.

Anger can help to motivate us to change things, but it can also get out of control. There’s a big difference between feeling angry and being abusive or aggressive.

You might need help with your anger if you’re:

breaking or throwing things
hitting or physically hurting somebody else or yourself
shouting a lot at other people
deliberately trying to make other people angry
getting angry all the time

No matter what’s making you angry, there are ways to cope without hurting other people or yourself.

Top tips for coping with anger:

count to 10. It can help to give you time to think and calm down
breathe slowly and deeply. In through your nose and out through your mouth
control your tone of voice. Keep it slow and quiet
use a stress ball. Or slowly make a fist and release your hands, over and over
think before you react. Wait an hour before you say or do anything
leave a situation. Walking away shows more strength than staying.

feels like
i'm losing
control

Talking about something that's bothering you helps

Dealing with anger

Feeling angry doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive.

There are lots of ways to let your anger out:

Hit something soft Punch a pillow or screw up a piece of paper
Do something else Do something completely different. Play a game, watch TV or count tiles on the wall. Anything that will keep your mind busy
Burst bubble wrap Take your aggression out on a sheet of plastic
Exercise Go for a run, play football or do yoga. Doing something that gets you out of breath can help you to calm down and feel happier
Write down what you want to say Put everything down on paper or in an email, then destroy or delete it
Talk about it Tell someone you trust what’s made you angry to get another point of view

Being assertive

Explain how you feel without getting angry

Feeling less angry

When you’re feeling angry all the time it can have a big effect on you and the people around you.

There are little things you can try every day to make it easier.

Think about the person you're angry at

People can do lots of things that make us angry. But that doesn’t always mean they’ve done something wrong.

When someone does something to make you angry, you might think:

They don’t like me
Nobody cares about me
They think I’m stupid

But that doesn’t mean it’s true. Sometimes it might even have nothing do to with you or something you’ve done.

It can help to think of all the different reasons someone might be behaving or saying things that affect you. For example, someone might:

Be hungry
Not realise that what they’re doing would upset you
Be angry at something else
Be feeling stressed at something else

Next time someone makes you angry, try writing down all the reasons it might have happened. Make sure you include things that weren’t your fault.

Thinking of all the reasons can be difficult at first, but you can ask an adult you trust for help or speak to a Childline counsellor.

Don’t focus on who’s right and wrong

You might get angry because you know that you’re in the right or that someone else is getting away with something. But when you start feeling like that, ask yourself:

• What will happen if I get angry?

• Is it worth it?

• Will getting angry change things?

Most of the time being aggressive or angry will make things more difficult, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

A lot of the time, calmly walking away from a situation can show that you’re mature more than getting aggressive.

Learn to spot the signs you’re angry

When you’re getting angry, there are lots of things that will happen to your mind and body. You might:

feel your muscles tensing up
start breathing heavily
notice your heart beating faster
feel like you can’t think about anything except what’s happened
only be able to see the negatives about a situation or person
struggle to say how you feel or think clearly

Spotting the signs that you’re starting to get angry can help you to know when things might be getting out of control.

Try making a plan of things you can do when you start to feel angry.

There are lots of things you could do instead of getting aggressive, and you can get ideas from other young people on the message boards.

Make a plan of anger dos and don’ts

Write down a list of all the things you do when you get angry. Then for each thing, write down how it affects you or someone else.

After you’ve written your list, make a new list of things you can do instead when you get angry. For example, instead of shouting you could speak calmly. Then write down how your new list would affect you or someone else.

Making a list like this isn’t always easy and you don’t need to do it all straight away. Asking someone to help you can make it much easier. If you’re not sure who to ask, try speaking to a Childline counsellor.

Whenever you start to feel angry, think about your list of things you could do instead.

Let other people help

It can be tough changing how you feel when you’re angry at a situation that you can’t change, or if you’re just angry all the time. But you don’t have to cope with things alone.
•Talking about what’s been happening can help you to:
•get ideas about how to change things
•think about different ways to cope
•understand ways to feel less angry in the future

Asking for help isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can help to start a conversation by writing a letter or sending a message.

If you’re not ready to talk to someone you trust you can speak to a Childline counsellor about anything.

Keep practising

The more you practice behaving differently when you get angry, the easier it can get. Remember that even if you can’t control your anger once you can still keep trying.

There are lots of things you can do to help you keep trying:

Use your mood journal – Write down what goes well and when you would have liked things to be different
Give yourself time – Things don’t change straight away, but the more you try the easier things can get
Talk about things – It can be tough coping alone, ask what other people think and speak to an adult you trust about how they could support you.

Start an anger diary

You might not always know what makes you angry.

Or you might find it hard to understand why something has affected you so much.

An anger diary can help you to work out what kinds of things make you angry so that you can avoid them in the future.

To write an anger diary:

Each time something makes you angry, write down what was happening and how it made you feel in your mood journal
Keep writing things down for a week or a month, then look through all of the different things that have happened
Read what you’ve written and try to spot particular things that make you angry all the time It isn’t always easy to figure out exactly what makes you angry.

If you’re struggling it might help to show what you’ve written to an adult you trust. And remember, you can always talk to a Childline counsellor about it.